She had been crying nonstop for two hours straight.

Ever since that verdict had been handed down and he had been taken away from her, she’d been crying. But today was the worst. Two hours ago, it had all ended. Hopefully it had at least been quick and painless.

How many years had it been since she first agreed to go out on a date with him? She couldn’t remember anymore, she didn’t want to try. It hurt too much.

She tried not to think about him, but it was like picking a scab. It was so painful, but she couldn’t stop. After all, they had been a couple for so long, and he had shown her how wonderful a romance could be when she wasn’t wondering what kind of asshole this boyfriend would be.

There was a knock at the door. She wiped at the corner of her eyes with her wrist, but all she managed to do was spread the tears across her cheek even more. She got up to answer it.

“Harry…” He said quietly. It was clear he had been crying, too. The tall blonde man wasn’t her neighbor anymore, he and his wife had bought a house after they got married, but he still came to see her often. She looked up at him for a moment before throwing her arms around his waist. He complied, and returned the hug.

“Why… why did it have to be like this?” She managed to sniffle between sobs.

“I don’t know.” He sighed. “It’s just the way it has to be, I guess. God, if only I had seen what was going on…”

“It’s not your fault. You didn’t have anything to do with it.” She wiped at her eyes again.

“That doesn’t make things any easier…” He exhaled deeply, reached into his pocket, and produced a white envelope. “The last time I saw him before he was put in prison, he gave me this, and told me to give it to you, after… after it was over.” He handed it to her.

“Thank you…” she accepted it, and put her glasses on before breaking the seal.

Inside was a letter, written in neat, tight cursive handwriting.



Dear Harriet,

This is hard for me, but I’m sure it’s even harder for you. I’m deeply sorry. I never, ever, EVER meant to make you cry. But I’m sure I have. If Chase did like I asked, then as you’re reading this, I’m watching you cry from the afterlife, wishing desperately that I could put my arm around your shoulders like I used to, that I could wipe away your tears and tell you that everything was going to be okay. But no amount of wishing can change the facts. Damn whoever decided that.
I remember the day we told each other about our problems, when you told me about all the losers you dated over the years, and I told you about my curse. Well, I guess I passed it on to you. That’s one more thing I have to apologize for.
But Harriet, I want to tell you… Thank you. Thank you so much.
It was so nice, finally having a woman that I loved love me back, and one that I knew would always be safe.
I’m sure you thought sometimes that you didn’t mean as much to me as Lorelei Johnson did. And if you thought that, then I thank you for always standing by me, even if you believed that you weren’t my first choice. But even though I loved Lorelei, you were the one I could go to. You were the one I could hold when I was sad, the one I could kiss and all my problems, all the problems in the world would just vanish. You were the one I could always count on to be there for me, when I needed someone at my side. You were the one I always wanted to go to. I knew you would always understand, and I knew you would always accept me with open arms.
I may have died for Lorelei, but I lived for you. And you know where I was before I came to this country. Back in the Liverpool underworld, dying doesn’t count for much. Send any fool out to wander the streets; he’ll be dead within the hour. In gang life, it’s living that has meaning. If you want to survive to see the sun rise again… well, let’s just say it’s difficult. I may have left that life behind, but I never lost the lessons it taught me.
Harriet… I did some things that I’m not proud of while I was on earth, so I’m sure I won’t end up in heaven. But even if I do, well, you’re not there, so even paradise won’t be able to compare to the time I was honored to be able to spend with you. But if I do somehow go there, then at least I’ll have the peace of knowing that one day I’ll see you again. But if I don’t, then… well, I still hope you’ll make it to heaven when it’s your time, anyway. You deserve to go to heaven, and don’t you dare think for a moment that you deserve to go to hell.
Harriet, I love you. I’ve loved you ever since I first took you to that frozen custard restaurant.
…This is hard for me to say, but I’m sure it would’ve been even harder if I had done it in person…
I had planned one day to give you this, in person, not this way. I hoped that you would say yes and accept it, and we’d be together for the rest of our lives, not just as a couple, but as a family. But I guess it wasn’t meant to be. Besides, someone as wonderful as you probably deserves better than a scruffy retired gang leader anyway, even if I did end up becoming a lawyer. That’ll always be who I am, I guess, and I can’t run from it.
I just want you to know, that I will love you up until the very end. I will love you at the end. And I will continue to love you after the end. And if I’m lucky, then one day I’ll see you again, when it’s your turn to cross over, too.
But for now, please, live out the rest of your life, and try to enjoy it, because it’s the only one you’ll get. Keep being the amazing person you are, and I’m sure it’ll turn out okay.

All my love, forever and always,
William Bell



Also inside the envelope was a ring, a gold band set with a small diamond. She held it carefully between her thumb and index finger, admiring the way the stone caught the light, tears continuing to well up in the corners of her eyes. “Karl…” she fought back sobs, “he was going to… he was going to propose to me…” She took off her glasses, wiped at the corners of her eyes again, and put her glasses back on. She carefully slid the ring onto her finger, and said pensively, “I would have said yes. I would have said yes without even thinking about it. Damn…” the tears started flowing again, and she made no move to stop them.

“I’m… sorry…” Her old neighbor was still sanding in the doorway, watching her, and starting to tear up as well.

She fiddled with the clasp of the necklace she usually wore until it was off of her neck and dangling between her hands, a small decorative ring hanging in the middle. She slid it off, tucked it into the pocket of her skirt, and carefully slid what would have been her engagement ring off her finger and onto the necklace chain. “Help me put this back on.” She handed the necklace to the blonde man, who carefully re-did the clasp, fastening it securely around her neck. She fingered the ring carefully. “Chase, I’m… jealous…” she looked up at her former neighbor. “We were both doomed to be single forever, but then we found love… Now you’re happily married, and my almost-fiancé is…” she trailed off, staring at the ceiling.

“I… I don’t… I really don’t know what to say. Harry, I’m sorry…” Now he was crying, too. “If… there’s anything you need, if you ever just want to talk about it, you know where Katja and I live, and we’re both happy to help.”

“Thanks…” She said, looking over the ring again. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Well…” he managed to choke out, “…Do you want to be alone for a little while?” He asked.

“…Yeah…” She said. Her voice was distant, as if she wasn’t really paying attention to what he was saying, just that he was talking to her.

“Okay, I’ll… call you later?” He asked, gripping the doorknob.

“Yeah, that’s fine…” she fingered the ring, staring off into space.

“Alright. Remember, if you need anything…” He wiped at the corner of his eyes one last time. He had stopped crying, but he looked like he was about to start again. “Katja and I are both here for you.”

“Thank you.” She shifted her gaze from the ceiling back to the ring dangling around her neck.

She just barely made out the sound of the door closing behind her, as she whispered to herself.

“Karl…I’ll see you again one day… Please… Wait for me…”